The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
