yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
