yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
