Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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