i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
