im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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