I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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