i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
