Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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