You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize