the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
