yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
