Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
