she smelled like a LAN party
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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