The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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