I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
