drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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