i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
