for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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