I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
