Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
