i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
