u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
