So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
