I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
