Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
