Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
