oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
