I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
