So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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