It's Friday. Sex?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
