Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize