Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
