His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
