You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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