you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
