Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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