do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
