Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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