i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh god it's open bar.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
