Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
