I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
