i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
