chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
