I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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