Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
