She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
