I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
