I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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