I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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