we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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