does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
