I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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