dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
