He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize