What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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