And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
