It's Friday. Sex?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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