Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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