You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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