I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
