Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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