just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
