my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We left the knife in your bed.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
