do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
