actually, I'm a sock model
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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