i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
