I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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