is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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