...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
