Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
God, I missed his penis.
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