Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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